Written by Matt Bell – Posted on October 8, 2013
You know what would really suck? Making out with Scarlett Johansson only to find that her face has the exact same texture as sandpaper. She’s one of the sexiest women alive, so you’d probably just deal and make awkward excuses as to why it looks like someone took a belt sander to your mug, but still, it would give you reasonable pause before going in for more.
Ok, back from dreamland and apologies to Miss Johansson—we’re just making the point that stubble, while it looks desirable to the fairer sex, is hands down, the most uncomfortable male facial accoutrement for her to get all intimate with. Even worse than full on beards, which at least can be tamed with a proper beard oil. Your post-shave stubble is too short to be tamed by the softening elements in any elixir.
Which is why we’re pretty excited to have found The Soft Goat, a completely brand new product that buffs the scratch right off your 5 O’clock shadow. It’s a small textured pad that you gently rub in circular motion over your day growth for about a minute or two. It’s pretty harmless and the pad is hypoallergenic, though if you have extremely sensitive skin, it might make you a little red.
The maker, who suffered stubble complaints from his lady friend, found that the sharp ends of hair grown can be sanded down to softer angles—the concept is equivalent to taking two pieces of sand paper and rubbing them together.
Does it work? Pretty much. It doesn’t turn your face fuzz into mink fur or anything, but it certainly takes the edge off enough to keep the kissing going for longer than it would have otherwise.
$11.99 for 3 pads (Enough to get you through at least 6 months of stubble) at thesoftgoat.com